Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
