You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
