his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
