Pappa wants mamma naked
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
