So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
