so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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