she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
