yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
