I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
