Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
