gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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