no, he came in my armpit
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
