RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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