you traded sex for a burrito?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
