My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
