Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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