i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
