Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
