Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
