i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
