She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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