Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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