sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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