i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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