Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
