apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
