Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
