you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
