we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize
