is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
