We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
