She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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