Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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