i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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