i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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