Princesses don't give blow jobs
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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