I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
