I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
