I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
