My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You can't special order awesome
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My vagina just recognized that song.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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