I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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