I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
