All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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