Well apparently he's into motor boating.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
