I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
