Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
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