His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
