so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I think I died a long time ago.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
