I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I would ride that face into the sunset
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
