the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
