the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
