i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
